Losing steam...

I'm truly ashamed of myself.

I have spent so much money on a "college education" and for what? It's all a joke. It's not like a degree from my school means anything.. but the worst part is that I just really don't care. I'm like the dumbass burnout in the school sitting at the back of the class, talking to no one, sleeping through most of the class, and paying some nerdy sophomore to do my project for me so I can skate by with a D. I never used to be this way. What happened?

Did I make a horrible mistake?
It's embarrassing.

I need motivation, or inspiration, or something... I have just lost so much of myself over the past couple of years and I don't know why. I did what I was supposed to do.. I graduated High School, I went to college, I got married... what do I have to look forward to? Five screaming kids, a crappy job, and eventual death.

But why can't I have something I am proud of in the process?
I don't want to just go through the motions of life without actually living it.

I need a challenge or something. But then again, everything I say I'm gonna do, everything I start, I give up on it. I was going to do a 30-day: 30-drawing challenge. I gave up after less than a week. The whole comic idea I was supposed to do with my friend Stephen... I have no idea where that ended up.

I am truly ashamed of myself.